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Reduce: The Most Annoying Word in Environmentalism |
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Written by Dainis W. Michel
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Friday, 07 December 2007 |
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According to a Trotter-poll, 89% of the globe's citizens find the word "reduce" to be the most annoying eco-word. With the technology readily available to "eliminate" greenhouse gasses, people around the world are simply fed up with calculated rhetorical blunder repeatedly insisted upon by eco-profiteers.
"The funniest thing about this whole green wave," said Sir Plunder Profitalot, chairman of the Committee for Kind-of-green Profiteering, "is that people buy the same products made by slave labor in the most environmentally unfriendly factories for 3 times the cost, if we wrap the thing in recycled paper." The respected public speaker and possible Nobel Prize nominee wrapped things up by stating, "what morons."
Trotter Polling Company executive, Mrs. Payfortha Resultsyouwant, responded by saying "we asked people whether it would be better to reduce or eliminate greenhouse gasses, and 89% of the people responded by saying it would be better to eliminate them. I'd say that's pretty clear."
Eco-profiteers are currently launching campaigns heavily oriented towards recognition, reduction, and responsibility, making them look like eco-conscious capitalists.
President of the secret underground group Hackers Save The World While You Drink Decaf Mocha Lattes, who corresponded with rGlohJahWwans investigators only with the tag Pulpy34x1, stated "we are working on an Internet Script that will remove all of the instances of the word 'reduce' from environmental websites, replacing the word with 'eliminate,' that ought to do the trick..." When questioned about the legality of her actions, Pulpy34x1 stated "if I get caught, I will be put into a 'jail cell' with candy walls, a spiral staircase leading up to my organic open-air roof garden, glass chandeliers, 24-hour room service, not to mention a personal chauffeur along with the freedom to go wherever I want, whenever I want, dressed in whatever I want, with no supervision. The military has already offered me the cushiest jobs you could possibly imagine doing things like destroying foreign economies electronically and stuff. If I don't get caught, I save the world. It's not that bad of a deal." |
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Last Updated ( Friday, 07 December 2007 )
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